Hi there,

I've often worried and got anxious before big presentations or critical meetings that I had to lead.

Over some time, I realised most of my anxiety was because I believed that everyone in the audience would notice all of my fumbles, minor mistakes, trembles, etc.

This familiar but intense feeling -- of everyone focusing on you and your every mistake -- is an illusion.

And it has a name - The Spotlight Effect.

It's when we believe others are paying closer attention to everything we do and say than they actually are.

But worry not. While it might feel like everyone is noticing your every move, they're typically not.

People often have many other things on their minds, from their to-do lists to personal worries, like a buzzing background noise that distracts them. The likelihood of them noticing every tiny detail about what you're saying and doing is very low.

Then, why do we feel like we're being watched so closely?

It's because, in our own lives, we're always the main character. Every little thing we do seems exceptionally significant to us.

However, everyone else is also the main character in their head, thinking about their lives, and doesn't have the mental bandwidth to focus on others.

Also, most humans can only concentrate on a few things at a time. That is why the audience in the presentation, focuses a little on your words, clothes, slides, or gestures. But, they do not focus enough to notice every detail (and mistake.)

Understanding this --  that others are not scrutinizing you as much as you think -- can help reduce stress and increase your confidence, particularly in situations like presentations or meetings.

So, the next time you find yourself in the spotlight, remember that most people are too caught up in their world to observe your every detail. This learning will help you stay calm, focused, and comfortable.

Knowing about the Spotlight Effect, how can we better handle these situations to reduce anxiety?

Here are a few tricks I use:

Deep breathing:

I take a few minutes to do deep breathing before a presentation. This brings me back to the present moment.

Visualize Success:

I imagine the presentation went extremely well, each word flowing smoothly, each slide transitioning seamlessly. Such visualisations help ease my mind.

Focus on the Message, Not the Audience:

I stay focused on my message and not how the audience perceives me.

Prepare Thoroughly:

I take enough time to prepare well. I anticipate questions the audience might have and prepare for them as well. If I think I know my material well, I am always more confident.

Reflect on Past Successes:

I think of my past excellent presentations, which remind me of my capability and give me confidence to do this one well, or even better.

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Reply to this email and let me know when was the last time you felt like this. And what did you do to overcome it?

Other learnings

A few other learnings I documented this week. Here are the top 3:

• Bad choices: I'm 36. In my 20s, I did things I know today were not the best. This is your chance to learn from my bad choices.
• 8 rare traits: that separate high performing product managers from the rest
• Success metrics: Most product managers I've worked with, reported to, and mentored think of success metrics as a complicated rocket-sciency subject. When it is actually a simple thought exercise instead.